Life Notes/Music

A few random reflections, scattered and incoherent since I’ve never been good at personal blogging.

  • crafting a personal philosophy to motivate action is a slippery thing. what are we driven to “act” by, not speaking of external instigators like violations or cruelty? any one-concept explanation has to be overlaid with so many others, so each one fills in the gaps created by the others. it is not enough to be motivated by compassion- compassion is fallible, fickle, prone to exhaustion. it is not enough to be motivated by a sense of justice- if more solid than a heartfelt emotion, doesn’t it lack warmth? it is not enough to be motivated by anger- anger too often centrifuges, and though perhaps inexhaustible it nevertheless exhausts. is there a constancy to this ethic, or is it only a nebulous formation of reasons that comes to life when confronted with an unbearable situation?
  • i started to add weight machines to my gym routine because the time has come to do something about these scrawny arms. nervous at first. nervous about hurting myself by overdoing it. nervous about being looked at as a curiosity by others. a few days passed without any such incidents. only this morning did some useless boy look at me amusedly when i took to the machine next to him. here is an external motivator to action, na?
  • there is a word for recognizing the complexities of writing/researching things outside one’s own life worlds, loosely- positionality. is there a word for recognizing the complexities of feeling trapped into writing only about one’s own life worlds?
  • on a related point, i feel there needs to be a word for inserting minority characters into fictional narratives in a way that masks or erases the reality of racism, where racism results in total exclusion. a modified version of tokenism, a bit more malevolent. perhaps there is one.
  • saw someone i like after a long interlude. there are those select people who put you under the suspicion that their interest in you is absent of ulterior motive or a desire to extract. thus far in life i’ve met very few, or worse been duped into thinking i had. remain cautious.
  • some listens of the last few weeks, some new some old:

 

 

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